Transcription

If you are in a toxic relationship, you know how hard it is to really be with that partner that you cannot even see in the first place. Because every time you see their face, you’re like, what, what did I get into?

So if this person is you, then listen up, welcome everyone to another episode of Super Charge Your Soul’s Transformation podcast where I bring on different topics where we talk about self-love, we talk about impostor from inner self critic and how we can simply be ourselves and love ourselves for who we are.

And in today’s episode, we are going to talk about toxic relationships and the things that you cannot do in a toxic relationship. So whether you are single married or you basically have children who you think are toxic to you. Like, trust me when that happens a lot, a lot of divorced women that have to keep their children with them. They somehow start telling me that, hey Temple, I have these traits in my children that are exactly similar traits to my ex. Like, what do I do?

So we’re talking about toxic relationships. But if you are in a relationship where toxicity is just there, whether it’s a friend, your partner, then keep listening. And if you like this episode, then please, please, I really encourage you to give us a review because I’ve already completed more than 51 episodes of our podcast. And the initial goal was for more women to listen so that they can understand that there are so many things that they can do just to heal themselves.

And this topic is very close to my heart. Like I’ve been there, I’ve been in multiple toxic relationships in my past. So I really would appreciate if you can go ahead and give us a review if you have been listening or if this is the first time that you’re listening to one of my episodes, hey, welcome to the show.

So let’s get right into it. The things that you cannot do in a toxic relationship, what is it?

Number one, you can’t relax. You know what that feeling is when you feel like I want to get home and I just want to just relax myself just because I have had a hard day at work. You get home and you can’t relax. The energy of relaxation is not there in your safe space where you’re supposed where the space is supposed to be your sanctuary.

You’re always feeling like you’re walking on eggshells. You never know when things will just take a hostile turn. You don’t know what that person is thinking, you don’t know what that person’s going to say next. You don’t know what he’s going to do. I’m talking about he because I’m focusing on men specifically for this topic. But hey, use this podcast to really understand if you are in a toxic relationship.

There’s no such thing as relaxation because you can never do that. You can never take a breather, you can never ever, ever just have a calm space because your calm space is going to turn into a storm. So that’s the first thing you can never relax.

Number two is feeling safe. You know, you don’t feel safe in the relationship. You just know something you’ll do or you won’t even do and they will do something in turn that will hurt you, that will harm you. That’s just going to disturb your mental peace. And I’m talking about emotional safety here. So emotional safety is totally absent.

You know, you want to open up to them, you want to tell them your feelings of the day or how you’re feeling, but you get attacked back or there will be some sort of a verbal abuse that will just come back to you and you feel like damn, why did they even share this with this person?

So sometimes that emotional safety is totally absent and being vulnerable, often just backfires on you. So have you felt that, I mean, I have felt that multiple times. So have you felt it? That is something you need to remind yourself of. If you don’t feel safe, that’s because you’re in a toxic relationship.

What’s the third thing that you cannot do in a toxic relationship? And this is huge, right? Women get into relationships so that they can feel safe, they can relax and they can be comforted.

So true, comfort is conditional and often used as a means to manipulate and not to genuinely support you. And let me give you an example, you want to get home, you just want to relax yourself and instead you just want to be held and comforted after a bad day.

But instead what happens, they come back and they start accusing you of something that you haven’t even done in the first place or they’ll blame you for their shit or they will call upon different names and project their trauma on you. Have you felt that feeling?

You feel like man, I just had a crazy day today. I thought I’ll just come home, stay quiet or not do anything and just be in my own space. But all of a sudden you come and ruin my space. So that is one of the things you cannot do being in a toxic relationship.

Number four, honestly is so huge that I feel a lot of women make this mistake. They do it anyway, thinking maybe this time this toxic person will change, but the toxic person will not change which is to share your joys. You have a celebration, you have a win, you did something amazing, you feel successful because you got awarded or you feel just great, just being a woman, you feel great because you did something nice for somebody.

You come home, you want to share this with your partner and they just tell you some sort of a criticism, you get criticized for it or they feel jealous or they feel like, hey, it’s not a big deal like you got that like, so what so your happiness can be seen as a threat and often met with criticism or even jealousy.

Like I can’t tell you how many women get promoted in their jobs and when they go and announce it to their husband who is toxic, the husband will discount the promotion to be like, oh, so what, you know, that’s just 100 and $20,000 instead of $80,000 like really like is that how you respond to your wife who just got promoted?

Just because you’re making less money or more money doesn’t matter, you know, real genuine relationships should be celebrating these things, but that doesn’t happen. And it’s so freaking sad, right? So, so sharing your joys, it’s not gonna happen. You every time you share your joy is, it won’t be celebrated as a genuine relationship, can celebrate it and say a genuine partner, loving partner will say yay, that’s amazing. Let’s go for a party or? Oh my God, I love you. This is great. You’re so amazing. And I, you know, like they’ll hug you, they’ll tell you how good you are. They’ll give you, of course, a handshake or a hug, whatever you do as a partner, but it will be celebrated in some way small or big.

Number five is huge. Again, for women, especially working women that count on their partners to take care of the children or the household or the chores, which is sharing your burdens when you’re vulnerable. It’s never met with empathy. Instead it might be ignored or used to make you feel weak. Let me give you an example. Let’s suppose you are on your period.

You, you come home early because you want to just take a nap and the dinner is not done because obviously you are on your period and your husband or your partner says, what the hell you have your girls day again like, OK, where’s dinner? I’m hungry?

Like dude, you need to see that your wife or girlfriend has her period. It’s never ever taken care of by saying nice things like honey, what do you want? What do you want me to get or should I bring something for you to eat because you’re sick or you’re not feeling good? You can never share your burdens with them because you know that they’re always going to be ignored. And I have and this is you know, it’s crazy.

I want to say this, but a lot of Asian women, particularly Indian women, guess what I hear. I hear that they have to cook even when they are on their period. I have to hear things like, oh, I still have to go to work. Even if I’m on my period. Even if I’m sick, I still have to do the cooking.

I still have to do the laundry. I’m like, what the fuck is your husband doing at that time? And the answer is, oh, he’s on his laptop, he’s working or I’m like, don’t you share this with them? They’re like, yeah, we do. But they don’t pay attention really? Like that’s the, that’s the relationship you guys are in, that is fucking super toxic to me. You see what I’m saying? So if you are in this toxic relationship, the fifth thing is they do not share your burdens.

All right, let’s move on because I’ll keep renting because I get really mad and upset on these relationships. That’s why I help women to really hone on their own self-worth and learn who they truly are. So they’re never dependent on a man and they’re never dependent on somebody else for their own happiness, right? So that’s for another podcast. But number six is things that you cannot do in a toxic relationship.

The sixth one is not experience genuine intimacy. So your real emotional connection that you have with your partner your toxic partner is always replaced with control or the need for constant validation. So for example, if you wanna go out on a party and you just have to go to the party by yourself, somehow the partner is never going to let you go alone because they want to control your friends and what you do and stuff and the toxic partner will control you by saying, oh, I’m just gonna be home alone without you.

Oh, I wish that I wish that you cannot go to that party or I wish you can just stay here with me and let’s, let’s just watch TV together. So like this is not real intimacy. Real genuine intimacy is where two people

, whether they are together or apart, they still love each other unconditionally and they allow the other person to do whatever they wanna do. Especially when you’re happy and this is a true intimate relationship. Your partner will want you to go to friends, will want you to go have a party. We want you to go and spend time with your parents, right?

Just because you love that. And he or she knows that when you come back home, you will be, you’ll be thriving. You’ll be excited to share your joys. You’ll be excited to talk about. Hey, here’s what happened and here’s what I ate and here’s what I did. You’ll be all excited. Why your genuine partner, like the real deal partner is going to support you in that endeavor. But that does not happen when you are in a toxic relationship.

Are you with me on this? If you are, then please give us a review because I really would love more reviews on our podcast. And the last thing in my list, although there are many things, the last thing in my list, things that you cannot do in a toxic relationship is we talked about love. It is feeling unconditional love. So you do not feel the unconditional love from your partner. You know, that your love for your partner is tied to something like as if they have a secret agenda, as if it’s just connected to something that they want from you and only when you give it to them, then they give you the love bombs.

Oh I love you and things like that, but it’s not real, you know, and love often tied to fulfilling their needs, which is horrible because you just have to be there for them and they’re never there for you or feeding their ego by, especially when the toxic partner would be like, how do I look? You know, how do you think I’m doing? And how like it’s all about them.

It’s never about you. And there is no mutual care when you genuinely love a person and you are in a great relationship, people support each other, they support each other’s needs, they support each other’s wants, they are not just feeding each other’s ego. That is, you know, that’s very manipulative and that’s what happens when you’re in a toxic relationship. You cannot feel unconditional love.

So these are my list of seven things. And if you feel any one of them is happening in your relationship, I invite you to reach out. Thank you so much for listening. Always remember metamorphosis, not medication and namaste for all of our listeners.

If you have any question and you really want the answers for it, then feel free to book a 20-minute free consultation with me. And if you love this episode, then please give us a review on iTunes. Thank you so much and see you on another episode.