Transcription

Hello, everyone.

Today we are going to talk about if childhood trauma could be the silent killer of your career success.

So this question is for you. Have you ever felt like you are living out someone else’s story or are you stuck in roles you didn’t choose? Maybe you have paused mid-decision and thought, why do I react this way? The answers could be buried in the hidden story of your past.

Welcome everyone to one more exciting episode of Your Souls Transformation podcast. I’m your host Mal Bindra and just an announcement, we have launched a new newsletter series on LinkedIn. So if you have been following me on LinkedIn, if you haven’t, please do send me a request and please subscribe to my new LinkedIn series of newsletter that I have been writing a lot on focusing, you know, and trying to write and put out the message out there.

So this podcast that we’re going to talk about is actually from a newsletter that I wrote. And if you don’t want to listen, you can just read, but I just feel listening is so much more important and so much more powerful than reading. Something that’s just in my opinion, that’s why I love podcasts.

So our topic today that we’re gonna talk about is could childhood trauma be the silent killer of your career success. I actually got this question from one of my clients and it was amazing because I literally went on and on in the whole club in session with her. And I’m like, oh, I need to share this with more people. And this topic was actually really one of the biggest successes for me on a different social media platform.

So today you guys are lucky because I literally am recording this. And I want you to listen to this and understand if you could be that person who is buried in the hidden story of your past, understand the roles that you play, right? You might be a couple of roles that I’m going to share in this podcast. I want you to look back and see, are you playing any of these roles?

So first one, you might be the helper who’s always putting others’ needs first, which is driven by an unconscious need to be needed. Or you could be the controller. The controller is like a person who’s always so gripped by control. You have to do everything in your way or it’s going to be the highway. That’s how the controller acts and sometimes that controller can be a freak and I was that freak. So perhaps you are the controller who’s gripping life’s control so tightly, terrified that letting go even a bit will just lead to chaos.

Or maybe you are the perfectionist, chasing the impossible dream of flawlessness, convinced that anything less is a failure. And trust me, as I’m calling out these roles, you could be all three. You could be a mix of different roles. You don’t have to label yourself. You just have to just be aware if you feel that you are any of these roles that you’re playing in certain avenues of your life.

Or you could be the achiever. Who is the achiever? The achiever is constantly striving for success, always chasing the next milestone as if your worth really depends on your accomplishments. Or you could identify as the empath, so attuned to others’ emotions that you just neglect your own, craving harmony at any cost, you just neglect your own needs.

And these roles that we’re going to talk about today, they’re shaped by our childhood experiences, OK? And they aren’t just passive traits. They are the invisible strings, guiding your actions, your decisions, and your reactions like, oh my God, that’s a lot of complexity right there. And they also shape your relationships. They dictate your career choices and even influence your financial habits. So you’re living a story that was scripted long, long time ago, but it doesn’t have to stay that way.

And let me give you a few examples, and all you got to do is keep listening and ask yourself if you find any similarities below. The first one is the helper. OK, so I want you to think about the helper. I’m just going to call out a name. So let’s imagine a person who, let’s call her Sarah. So Sarah, she is a mid-level manager at a tech company, and she’s always the first to volunteer for extra projects. She’s often working super late to just help her team meet deadlines, and her colleagues rely on her, and she just takes pride in being the go-to person.

But Sarah’s drive to help just stems from a deeper need to feel valued. She fears that saying no might often lead to rejection or disappointment. So this pattern, while making her super indispensable, often leaves her feeling exhausted and overlooked for promotions because she’s seen as a support rather than a leader. Do you find any similarity here?

So the problem that I see over and over again in this pattern, and I’ll call it a pattern, including my mom, is that they forget to care about themselves and mostly suffer from health challenges because their operating system of thought process is usually just focusing on others’ demands and needs, and you know that there is no shortage of takers in our society, right? I hope you know that.

OK, let’s move on to the second pattern. This pattern is also my pattern from childhood, and I did not know this until later in adulthood, why I do what I do, which is the control. So let’s meet another girl. Let’s call her Lisa. OK. And imagine Lisa is a senior executive in a fast-paced marketing firm. And I’m just giving you examples, and she’s known for her meticulous planning and hands-on approach on every little detail and every project detail passes through her scrutiny.

By the way, English is my second language, so if you feel like I am misspelling certain words, hey, correct me. I don’t mind criticism at all. I handle it very well. So let me know and please give me a review and do put it in the review if you feel like my English is not perfect and it may never be, but at least I’m trying, so bear with me.

Going back to Lisa, everything she has to control, and she is doing this not purposely but because this pattern is rooted in fear of chaos and failure, and she believes that if she doesn’t manage every aspect, things will fall apart. And this relentless grip on control creates tension with her team who feels micromanaged and stifled and prevents her from delegating effectively. So what happens then is she’s limiting her own career growth.

And the problem with this pattern is that these kind of people are filled with anxiety, hyper-vigilance, and constant nervous system stimulation, and they can’t relax their mind or body.

So, what’s the third one? The perfectionist. I’ll talk about one of my clients. Her name was Emily, and she was a high-performing analyst at a financial institution. She spent countless hours perfecting her reports, double-checking every figure, and ensuring every presentation is flawless. And Emily’s pursuit of perfection was driven by a fear of criticism and failure. She equated her mistakes with incompetence. While her attention to detail was commendable, it often led to burnout and delays, and it was impacting her productivity and her work-life balance.

Her perfectionism also made her overly critical of herself and others, which was straining her workplace relationships. Do you see yourself in this pattern? People who fall into this pattern often have elevated cortisol levels, the stress hormone, putting their body into overdrive, and this can lead to further issues such as diabetes and chronic pain throughout the body. Does that make sense? If it does, then please scroll below and give us a five-star review so that others can also learn from this podcast.

What’s the fourth one? Oh my God, the fourth one is I know a lot of people with this pattern, especially super-duper high successful women, which is the achiever pattern, the achiever. So let’s talk about one of my clients. His name was Nathan. He was a project manager, super driven, in a consulting firm, and he measured his worth by his achievements, always setting higher goals and pushing himself to exceed them.

Nathan’s identity was tied to his success. He constantly sought validation through accomplishments, fearing that without them, he is insignificant. This relentless pursuit led to stress and a lack of fulfillment, as he rarely takes time to enjoy his success. So Nathan often needed to prioritize his work over his personal life, which was impacting his overall happiness and well-being.

People like Nathan can feel high stress and lack of downtime, which can manifest physically, leading to health issues such as hypertension, headaches, digestive issues, insomnia, and even a weakened immune system.

So let’s talk about the last pattern that I have seen in so many of my clients, which is the empath. Let’s talk about another woman that I know, her name was Anna. She was a human resource specialist known for her empathy and people skills. Anna was the office confidant, always ready to listen and offer support, and Anna’s ability to tune into others’ emotions made her highly valued but also vulnerable.

She often absorbed the stress and emotions of her colleagues, which neglected her own needs. And this led to emotional exhaustion and burnout, and that’s when she reached out. Anna’s desire to maintain harmony sometimes just prevented her from addressing conflicts directly, which can undermine her effectiveness in her role. And I want you to just see the similarities between you and Anna. If you are that person who’s an empath, you know that it can lead to feelings of depression, as being overly attuned to others’ emotions often makes it difficult to separate our feelings from others’ feelings.

So we talked about all these five different patterns. Now, the question is to you: Are you the helper, the controller, the perfectionist, the achiever, or the empath? And if you are one of them, then I just want you to be aware because in the next podcast, I will tell you what you can do to heal from these patterns that may be contributing to

your career success.

If you like this podcast, then please give us a five-star review, and I will see you in the next episode. Until then, always remember, metamorphosis, not medication. Namaste to all of our listeners. If you have any questions and really want the answers, then feel free to book a 20-minute free consultation with me. And if you love this episode, then please give us a review on iTunes. Thank you so much, and see you on another episode.