Transcription

Hey Mamas,

Welcome back to the podcast! Today, I want to dive into a topic that I know is so close to your heart: raising a confident child while also making sure you’re taking care of yourself.

We all know how easy it is to get wrapped up in being a mom and putting your own needs on the back burner. But how do you strike that balance? How can you nurture your child’s confidence without running on empty yourself?

Today, we’ll explore just that, and I am beyond excited to have a truly special guest. Joining us again today is someone who has been on an extraordinary journey of healing and mental health awareness. If you’ve been following the podcast, you might remember the powerful story she shared in a previous episode, and I am so thrilled to dive even deeper with her this time.

Our guest, Ella, began her journey with mental health at just four years old after surviving a car accident that left her with lasting scars. Over the years, she faced many challenges, including an eating disorder that became a turning point in her recovery from 35 years of trauma. Through years of therapy and deep personal work, she discovered that trauma doesn’t have to make you a victim—it can be a catalyst for growth. Her story is one of incredible transformation.

So, welcome to the show, Ella.

“Hi. Thank you so much for having me.”

Thanks, Ella, for coming again. And just so you know—and most listeners don’t know this—Ella is our most requested expert! She talked about this amazing topic in a previous episode, and I’m going to link to that in our show notes. Now she’s back, and I’m so excited for part two!

Ella, you are in demand!

So, to kick things off, can you share a bit about your early childhood, especially for our listeners who don’t know you? Was there a specific moment or experience that really shaped your understanding of confidence as a child?

“For those who didn’t tune into the last episode, I’ll give a brief overview. When I was four years old, I was in a car accident that left me with severe facial scarring. As I got older, I was teased a lot, and the teasing snowballed into bullying. I really lacked confidence because of that. But the bigger picture is that I didn’t even know what confidence was before I was teased. I just went through life confidently until the teasing knocked the confidence out of me. In a recent interview at a college, I was asked if I would have grown up differently, do I think my outcome would have changed? And 100% yes—if I had held onto my confidence during those difficult times, I wouldn’t have turned to other things that contributed to my traumas. I wasn’t aware of my lack of confidence until much later in life.”

And again, Ella, I am so sorry you went through what you did. But today, you are like a beacon of light for all of us. You’ve written a book, and I want to tell our listeners about that before we dive into the questions about raising kids and self-care as a mom. Tell us about your book and what made you write it.

“When I was in treatment for my eating disorder, I realized that many people in my group weren’t ready to open up because of fear of judgment, lack of confidence, and self-worth. Once we found a safe space among each other, it became easier to share our stories and work through our traumas. I wanted to create that kind of space for others. My book is about making people feel comfortable exploring their own feelings and starting conversations around mental health without shame. That was the purpose of my book—to create that safe space and eliminate the stigma.”

Wow, that’s incredible because you found the strength to write your story and share it with the world. Looking back, how did your upbringing or family environment impact your confidence? Were there things that helped or hurt your self-esteem?

“As I said, the teasing and bullying really contributed to my lack of confidence. In my household, I felt insignificant. My brother was the all-star athlete, my sister was smart and beautiful, and I didn’t feel like I had anything that made me shine. I always felt like I was getting in trouble, and no one ever said they were proud of me. It wasn’t intentional on my parents’ part, but it contributed to my lack of confidence. Everything at home and school was like a perfect storm of me losing self-confidence.”

Now that you’re a mom, tell us about your life with your kids.

“Life is hectic! I have three kids—18, 14, and 4—so my plate is full. There’s a big difference between how kids were raised 20 years ago and now. Today, we focus more on emotional and mental health, in addition to academics and extracurriculars. I want my kids to have self-worth, self-confidence, and be able to process their emotions correctly. That’s something that wasn’t as prevalent when we were kids.”

So, from your perspective, how do moms model self-confidence for their kids? Do you believe self-care plays a big role in this?

“Absolutely. Self-care is crucial for building confidence. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t have self-worth, and that will affect your confidence. It’s all intertwined. Your children see you choosing yourself first, and that teaches them to value themselves. It’s about creating boundaries, taking care of yourself, and showing your kids that you respect and value your own well-being.”

And how did you come to terms with looking in the mirror after everything you went through? How did you find confidence as a mom?

“I don’t think I’ll ever 100% feel confident looking in the mirror, but I’ve used my childhood experiences to ensure my kids don’t go through what I did. I do everything I can to make sure my daughter feels beautiful and confident. It’s about building self-worth and being an example for them while also expressing love and support.”

What practical routines or habits have helped you manage your own well-being while raising confident kids?

“It’s the small things. My kids know when I need five minutes of peace. It doesn’t have to be extravagant—it could be listening to music in the car or painting nails with my daughter. Self-care doesn’t have to be done in isolation. Including my kids in the things that make me feel good helps them see that self-care is important.”

And how can moms let go of guilt when focusing on self-care?

“Mom guilt is real, and you may never get rid of it 100%. But you have to start small—take five minutes for yourself, then gradually increase that time. It’s a mental hurdle, but the more you practice self-care, the easier it gets. Your kids will be fine without you for a little while. It’s just about training your mind to accept that it’s okay.”

What’s more impactful in building kids’ self-esteem: what moms say or what they do?

“I think it’s both. What you see as a child builds who you are. It’s important to model confidence and reinforce it with words and actions.”

Finally, if you could give moms one piece of advice for balancing self-care while raising a confident child, what would it be?

“Start by doing self-care with your kids if you’re not comfortable doing it alone. Incorporate small things that make you happy and bring your kids along for the journey. It will make it easier to create those longer moments of self-care.”

Thank you so much, Ella! You’re an amazing mom, a beautiful wife, and a dear friend. Where can our listeners find you?

“You can visit my website at ellashae.com. My previous podcasts, interviews, and my book *From Broken to Beautifully Broken* are all available there.”

Thank you, Ella, and for our listeners, always remember—metamorphosis, not medication. Namaste!