Transcription

Are you a woman or a man who has been jumping from one relationship to the other? Do you know the reason why you’re even doing this in the first place? So then keep listening to this podcast.

Welcome to another episode of Your Soul’s Transformation podcast. My name is Dimple Vin, and if you’re here for the first time, then please give us a review on iTunes, on podcasts, wherever you’re listening, or on YouTube. If you’re finding me on YouTube, then please hit the subscribe button, and let’s get right into it.

The reason you’re jumping from one relationship to the other relationship is because you are seeking validation from the other partner. You’re seeking approval from one relationship to the other relationship, and it’s because deep down inside you don’t feel worthy. And where does this come from? This comes from our childhood trauma, when we were kids and our parents did not give us the love and the attention, or they literally physically abused you as a kid. Or if you were in a dysfunctional family where you couldn’t show your emotions or you couldn’t show something to them that you need their approval of.

And I’m gonna give you examples. An example is you were so good in school, you painted a beautiful project, you brought it to your father or your mom, and you showed it to them and you did not get any response, you did not get anything, or you got like, oh they shooed you away. Or times where you were sad and upset and you just could not even show it to your family, and you hid out in the closet and showed your emotion to the closet or to the clothes. You see what I’m saying?

So when you were not able to show your emotions, when you were not able to be seen or be heard or be validated from your parents in childhood, what that does as you become an adult is you start seeking relationships where people appreciate you. You get into the relationship and then you find it’s not the right relationship, you come out of it, you find another person, you get into that relationship, and right before you get into that relationship, you’re like, I know, you know, this is love, like I love this person, yet my previous guy, he didn’t love me, but this new guy will probably love me. And then you get into the relationship again, and you see the cycle happens again and again. Like every time it’s toxic relationships, or the partner that you’re attracting is either a narcissist or that person is cheating on you.

Why do we fall into this trap? We fall under this crazy trap because we’re seeking validation. Deep down, we are seeking validation because we were not validated as kids. And you have the responsibility of finding that true validation within you.

So here are my steps that you need to do.

And before I go into the steps, I want to share my story. I was that person. I was that person growing up where I would just go from one person to another person, to another person. Whether it’s a friend, whether it’s a boyfriend, doesn’t matter, I would just keep seeking these relationships. And later, once my teacher told me, “Dimple, you really have to stop doing this.” I did not understand it at that time because I was thinking, you know, sometimes when you are in these relationships, you feel better, you feel a sense of high, you feel like you’re wanted, you’re beautiful, you’re amazing. That’s what people want you, but that’s not true.

And in today’s world, we seek these validations not just through relationships in real life, but we seek these validations through social media. How many likes are we getting? How many followers do we have? Does my neighbor pay attention to the new car that I got? You see what I’m saying? Or do I get compliments when I have my makeup on? These little things that we are wanting from our world—it’s not true. It’s an illusion. It’s a very big illusion that can actually create a lot of anxiety in your life. It can create a lot of issues in your mental health. It can make you feel less than.

So to break the cycle, step one is understanding this pattern. Do you have this pattern? That’s step one—building an awareness within yourself to understand, am I even doing this in the first place? And, you know, I’m not going to say this, but a lot of women that are married, they still have this pattern. Some of my clients that I talk to, they still have this pattern. They are in a relationship, maybe their relationship with their husbands is not great, and guess what—they’re seeking validation outside of the relationship, right? And this happens not just to women but men also, but I’m specifically saying for women. So if you’re doing that, you need to, first of all, understand—do you have this pattern? If that’s a yes, then let’s continue.

And that’s a yes.

Step two is cultivate a practice that makes you feel appreciated within yourself. What are some of the things that you can do on a daily basis that make you feel worthy, that make you feel you’re on top of the world, that can make you feel confident in your ability to live a life, that can make you feel happy, excited, elevated—whatever you want to call it.

So that’s your step two.

And what does that literally mean? It could mean, maybe if you’re waking up at 8 a.m. every day, let me wake up at 7 a.m. every day, and let me give the first hour to myself where you can fulfill your energy, which means where you can fulfill your happiness level. And usually, based on science, they say statistically if you’re practicing an exercise routine or if you’re meditating in the morning, that can make you feel happier. So when you start meditating or practicing an exercise routine or yoga in the morning, somehow your mind starts thinking that you’re giving that validation to yourself, you’re giving yourself that feeling that, “I’m a good person. Wow, I’m worthy. I’m worthy of my time. I’m worthy of the first hour,” right? So I definitely will emphasize on the first hours.

The time that you wake up, I want you to increase it by starting to wake up earlier. So start waking up earlier than your usual time because that’s what I did. I’m just telling you based on my history. What steps did I take? I started waking up early. When I started waking up earlier than anyone else in my family, I had more time to myself. When I had more time, I would do the things that made me happy, like read a book or sometimes meditate or do yoga. You do whatever makes you happy. When you start doing that in the first hour, and especially add movement to that first hour, it will make you feel better than others.

When you, inside of you, feel better than others—and I’m not saying that you need to feel better than others in a cocky way—but this step really helps for women who do not even like themselves in the first place, right? Because you don’t even like yourself in the first place. That’s why you’re seeking outside validation, right? So we’re talking all about validation.

So when you start focusing on you, you start doing the movement and the exercises, you start feeling better. When you start feeling better, then all of a sudden, you would not want to start calling someone else the moment you wake up, you know? Or you would not want to send that text to someone like, “Morning,” waiting for him to respond back. No, you wouldn’t want that. Why? Because you’re focusing on you, girl! You gotta focus on you first.

So that’s your second step—focus your first hour on yourself and add movement or meditation or both within the first hour.

Step three is I need you to question yourself this: What if you do not have ABCDEFG, all those people in your lives? How would you live your life? How would you fill that void of your time if these people, right? So ABCDE are just people in your lives. If they’re not there for you, how would you fill your life up? And you know what? Surprisingly, most women answer, “Oh my God, I can’t live alone! Oh my God, I cannot be alone, like I need my friends.” Okay? If you’re that person, honestly, you do have your friends, but deep down, you’re a loner. Deep down, you feel alone, buddy, a lone wolf. And that’s not a bad thing.

I have been that loner all my life, and I openly admit it. I’m actually a big-time loner. Why? Because I love being alone. I love being in my own company.

So step three is when you question yourself that, and you know that you do have this void like, “Yeah, if I don’t have this person, that person, or if I don’t talk to anyone for one day or two days or ten days or a month, what would my life look like?” And if the answer shakes you or makes you feel anxious, then there is a problem, my friend. Then you have a problem.

And for you to fix that problem, you need to start actually spending more time with yourself. I know it’s counterintuitive. I’m trying to say, start deleting those people from your lives. Why? Because you need to build a relationship with you. You have given all your time and your energy to ABCDE, right? I’m just not saying names because you are not giving the time to yourself.

So step four, give yourself that time and attention that you seek from others.

Because when you give yourself that time and attention that you seek from others, that is the love that you’re going to give to yourself. I want you to give that love to yourself in the form of—here are some examples, okay?—in the form of you waking up every day and telling yourself, “Good morning, Dimple.” And you know what? I do that. I tell myself, “Good morning, Dimple. I hope you’re going to have a wonderful day today.” And I open up my curtains, and I start talking to the trees, and I’m like—I’m stupid in some ways, but I feel this is crazy—I look outside and I’m like, “Hey, good morning trees, good morning sky, good morning earth, good morning butterflies, good morning birds.”

I say that because in the end, these humans are not probably going to be there in your lives for the rest of your life, but maybe, maybe—and I’m hoping—at least you are going to be there for the rest of your life until you have your lifetime. You see what I’m saying? You are going to be the first person who needs to be with yourself 24 hours, right? Because if you’re not there with yourself, no one else is going to be there with yourself, and you cannot fill up your time and your energy with other people.

First, you need to build a relationship with yourself, then you can give other people your time. It’s not the other way around. It’s not you giving your 24 hours, five hours, or six hours to one person. No, you gotta give that time to yourself.

So that’ll be your next step. Your next step is to build a relationship with yourself. Give yourself that time and that attention, and then notice how you feel.

So these are my four steps, and if you like what you’ve heard so far, just start there. I guarantee you, you will understand that you seeking this validation from all these other people—whatever you’re seeking, like all these other people that you’re seeking validation from in different ways—you will understand that you can start breaking that pattern, you can start breaking the cycle.

And if you like this video, or if you like this podcast that you just heard, then please give us a review on iTunes. And I’ll see you soon.

Until then, remember—metamorphosis, not medication. Namaste for all of our listeners.

If you have any question and you really want the answers for it, then feel free to book a 20-minute free consultation with me. And if you love this episode, then please give us a review on iTunes.

Thank you so much, and see you on another episode.